1. I have found myself walking much more slowly around the house. I shuffle to the kitchen, then shuffle to the bathroom, more shuffling to the couch. The shuffle consists of a half-stride with little bend of the knee and fair amount of side to side motion not unlike a zombie sans the outstretched arms and the insatiable desire for brains.
2. I take the stairs one step at a time rather than running up taking two or three steps as usual.
3. Every light in the house is off as is the heat. This completes my transition into my father.
4. I looked in the kitchen from the family room and noticed that all the cupboards and cabinet doors were open – I was unaware that I don’t close cupboard doors.
5. I am a really messy person, I like to have things clean, but I don’t put anything away if I don’t have to. I suspect that my wife is endowed with superhuman powers of speed or perhaps the ability to stop time, otherwise it would be impossible to keep a spotless house as she does.
6. It is much easier to exercise when my wife is around. I theorize that I feed off her boundless energy much like a tapeworm or hagfish feed off their hosts.
7. I sometimes speak my thoughts out loud, immediately after I scan the room to make sure that nobody heard me, then I chuckle at the absurdity of it all.
So there you have it. Alysha is one part Martha Stewart, one part Mother Teresa, one part super model with the ability to stop time. She is married to a messy, zombie-like parasite who doesn’t close cabinet doors and is too cheap to turn on the lights.
2. I take the stairs one step at a time rather than running up taking two or three steps as usual.
3. Every light in the house is off as is the heat. This completes my transition into my father.
4. I looked in the kitchen from the family room and noticed that all the cupboards and cabinet doors were open – I was unaware that I don’t close cupboard doors.
5. I am a really messy person, I like to have things clean, but I don’t put anything away if I don’t have to. I suspect that my wife is endowed with superhuman powers of speed or perhaps the ability to stop time, otherwise it would be impossible to keep a spotless house as she does.
6. It is much easier to exercise when my wife is around. I theorize that I feed off her boundless energy much like a tapeworm or hagfish feed off their hosts.
7. I sometimes speak my thoughts out loud, immediately after I scan the room to make sure that nobody heard me, then I chuckle at the absurdity of it all.
So there you have it. Alysha is one part Martha Stewart, one part Mother Teresa, one part super model with the ability to stop time. She is married to a messy, zombie-like parasite who doesn’t close cabinet doors and is too cheap to turn on the lights.
4 comments:
Love the post, esp the funny pis! You are right Alysha is an amazing superwoman but no superwoman would marry anything less then a superman! Hope all is well in the Tucker House, we are going to miss you guys!
hahaha. I love this!
Tucker you crack me up!! I'm sure there's more to you than the parasite you claim yourself to be, haha. I just laugh how you phrased that whole post...I can totally picture you doing everything you said.
Tucker, don't be so hard on yourself! You are a great husband! And so cute with those two adorable children of yours! But yes, I agree... Alysha is amazing! See you Saturday for the big bash.
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